Haiti November 2011

I haven’t blogged in awhile, sometimes I feel as though I barely have time to eat, sleep and breathe with the schedule I have but I have had so many amazing things happen to me over the past few months, and God has revealed to me something that I never truly understood until know. What’s crazy about it is that it transcends every aspect of my life. If you would have asked me two years ago even one year ago that I would be involved in the lives of teenage girls I would have ran clear in the other direction… the fights, the drama, the cattiness. Ugh. I was through with that and wanted it to stay that way. But God has a funny way of showing us, “our ways are not His ways, nor our thoughts His thoughts.” We make plans and God laughs right? Well, He’s laughing big time if that’s the case in my life. Most of you know I have been involved a bit with the student ministry at Long Hollow and teach an incredible group of tenth grade girls on Sunday mornings. My passion for these girls to know the heart of Jesus and to fall deeper in love with Him everyday has almost consumed my life. I’d do anything for them.
On a side note I also just got back from Haiti with a team of women who went to basically love and pour out our hearts to the women who run the orphanage. These are the women who take care of 10-12 kids at a time making sure they are clothed, fed and taken care of. These women are more than moms. They are mighty, strong women of God. How selfless of them to take up this task. Throughout the week as I spent time with them and got to know them I became very heavily burdened by their struggles. Most of these women are my age some younger and two were older. One of my friends McLaine is working there for money to send back to her 8 kids at home. Yes, that’s right not only does she have kids of her own but she takes care of 12 boys in the orphanage. How she does it I will never comprehend? My other friend and momma to the boys Amentine I connect with because she always likes the newest fashions. We took her a pair of white pumps that she just loved. In speaking with her she said she needed prayer to face her loneliness and that she was praying for a Godly husband. When she said this I immediately thought wow, she’s just like me in every way. I traveled so far yet I found someone just like me. Our pursuit was the same… a heart for Jesus and a Godly man to pursue our hearts.
On the trip home I was consumed with thoughts of how incredibly alike all women are. My girls who share their problems and struggles with me actually want what girls in Haiti want too. Our common link in it all is having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and sharing in His sufferings. Another common link was that all of these girls often looked to men to fill that void in their hearts.

1) I believe with everything that is in me that our core validation, our primary validation has to come from God FIRST. And until it does, until we look at Him for the healing of our souls, our relationships are really hurt by looking to each other for something only God can give.
2) As you increasingly become women of substance, women who offer true beauty, we find that our hearts grow in their capacity to love and be loved, to desire, to live. Our hearts will become enlarged by Jesus.
3) We cannot expect not to suffer through this time. God will not always rescue us from a painful season. He does not always give us what we so desperately want when we want it. He is after something so much more valuable than our happiness. He is restoring and growing in us an eternal weight of glory and sometimes…its hurts.

“To possess true beauty we must be willing to suffer… if Christ was perfected through His sufferings, why would we believe God would not do the same with us?? Women who are STUNNINGLY beautiful have had their hearts enlarged by suffering. By saying yes when the world says no. By paying the high price of loving truly and honestly without demanding that they be loved in return. They have come to know that when everyone and everything has left them, God is there.”

Abiding in Christ means paying attention to the voice within, nourishing our own hearts, and nourishing our own relationship with Him over time.

It is in the waiting that our hearts are enlarged…

"I have come so that you may have LIFE and have it to the FULLEST." -- John 10:10


The topic of seasons of life has come up more than once in my conversations over the past months. At 26, I am surrounded by people in various stages of their lives, some single, some married, some with children… but all important to me. If you would have asked me 10 years ago where I would be I would have said married with kids of course (it’s a Southern thing). You go to college, get married and have babies (that’s just what people do here). Lately, I’ve felt like my life has started to go in slow motion, not really progressing as one would think a life should progress. Questioning am I doing the right thing, is this where God wants me, am I making a difference in the people’s lives around me? Almost as if I’m at a standstill… the more I thought about it, the more I became okay with where I am. I’m in a season that is uniquely mine and has been for the past two years. A season that has changed my life for the better, a season where my Savior finally revealed His face to me, a season that I can honestly say I was finally delivered…. a truly beautiful season. Why then would I want it to be any different? To look like anyone else’s season?


I go to bed tonight not questioning God anymore but thanking him for this season, one in which I fell more in love with God, made some incredible life changing friends, and have had the privilege of doing things I never would have gotten to do had my life looked any different, had it looked like what I thought it would 10 years ago. Thankful for the ability to travel, to travel to Haiti several times, to eventually travel to Uganda in February, to spend one on one time with God in my own house, to spend quality time with my family, to visit friends all over the country, to be able to invite those I love and care about into my home and hopefully change their lives for the better. Looking back on it from this standstill, so to speak, I’m abounding with joy and gratefulness that this season has been what it has, it’s been nothing like I thought it would look but isn’t that what life’s about? We have no idea where life is going to take us but the beauty of that is when we get to these standstills and have time to reflect back we see how far we’ve come. It’s hard to see the big picture in the moment but each of these little seasons simply prepares us for the next. I’m encouraged by Jesus’ words when He said I have come so that you may have life and have it to the fullest and to consider it pure joy when you face trials and to remember He has a plan for your life that’s bigger and better than you could ever imagine or dream up. How awesome to serve a God that we can’t even begin to comprehend sometimes. But that promises us He will never leave our sides no matter what season of life we are in. If He could say anything to me right now I know he'd say, Trust me Stephanie, trust me, embrace it and let go… =)

I am beautiful, captivating and loved.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Jeremiah 31:3

Being around teenage girls for a week, I was amazed at how much of their security was found in boys. They were drawn to me and stories of my past relationships and how I learned to find my security in Christ alone. With this in the back of my head and thinking I had it all together, I was slammed this weekend with voices from God saying Stephanie you deserve better, I made you better, you were fearfully and wonderfully made. Don’t settle. Please don’t settle. Why was he telling me this? God I’ve got it. No, Stephanie you don’t.

If I had a dollar for every time someone wanted to set me up, I could retire. No joke. Sometimes I go just to go. I always said I’d never settle and the older I get the more I see myself with flavors I would have never tasted in the past. I was reminded yesterday if you’re dating to fill a void you think you have or the world has placed on you, you’ve got it all wrong. In the past few months I have settled for less than the best in this area, and God finally put it on my heart to let Him take over. Not only take over but make Him the focus of my life instead.

There is no doubt a woman becomes lovely and inviting when she is pursued. Her heart begins to come alive, come to the surface, and her countenance becomes radiant. As women we long to be loved in a certain way, a way unique to our femininity. We long for romance. We are wired for it; it’s what makes our hearts come alive. You know that. Somewhere deep down inside you know this. But what you might never have known is this….

This doesn’t need to wait for a man.

If you’ll open your heart to the possibility, you’ll find that God has been wooing you ever since you were a little girl. Jesus calls himself the Bridegroom (Matt. 9:15, Matt. 25:1-10, John 3:29) Bridegroom simply means fiancé. Lover. This is the most intimate of all metaphors Jesus chose to describe his love and longing for us, and the kind of relationship he invites us into. What God opened my eyes to is that the story of my life is not defined by these relationships but by the long and passionate pursuit of my heart by the One who knows me best and loves me most. God has written the Romance not only on our hearts but all over the world around us. What we need is for Him to open our eyes, to open our ears that we might recognize his voice calling to us, see His hand wooing us in the beauty that quickens our hearts.

“Every song you love, every moment that has moved you to holy tears has been given to you from the One who has been pursuing you from your first breath in order to win your heart. God’s version of flowers and chocolates and candlelight dinners comes in the form of sunsets and falling stars, moonlight on lakes and cricket symphonies; warm wind, swaying trees, lush gardens and fierce devotion.” – Captivating, John Eldredge

The culture of women in the church today is crippled by some very pervasive lies. Our need is not to be romanced by men but to be in a spiritual romance with God. What we/I must remember is that we are being romanced, and ever will be. We are bringing something to the heart of Jesus only we can bring. We are His betrothed, His beloved, the beat of his heart, and the love of His life! He will never let us down. Draw near to Him. He is waiting… <3

when I am weak, then I am strong...

“…for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10

It’s the weaknesses, the imperfections — the things you can’t accomplish on your own—that give God the opportunity to show off in your life. That’s why the Bible is full of stories of people who stumbled and fell, struggled with sin, and didn’t have all the answers. Their imperfections are what made them need grace — and it was against the backdrop of their lives that God’s glory illuminated brightly.

By aiming for perfection, and trying to eliminate the need for grace in our lives, we are subconsciously trying to erase our need for a Savior. That’s why the harder we work the further away from God we actually feel.

When we accept our place as broken and imperfect people, God finally has the opportunity to shine brightly in our lives. Living lives that point others to Him is what gives us purpose. John Piper said, "If you don't point people to God for everlasting joy, you don't love. You waste your life." So, ironically, it’s in the moments of seeming failure that we are of the most use in the kingdom of God.

"If we were left to ourselves with the task of taking the gospel to the world, we would immediately begin planning innovative strategies and plotting elaborate schemes. We would organize conventions, develop programs, and create foundations… But Jesus is so different from us. With the task of taking the gospel to the world, he wandered through the streets and byways…All He wanted was a few men who would think as He did, love as He did, see as He did, teach as He did and serve as He did. All He needed was to revolutionize the hearts of a few, and they would impact the world." --David Platt

Life Interrupted...again

“…once our eyes are open, we cannot pretend we don’t know what to do. God who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know and holds us responsible to act.”

Proverbs 24:12

On the heels of my last trip to Haiti I have been struggling with putting into words how I felt, what I saw, and how God moved in that place. All I know is that He did… Being called to go back to Haiti was another life changing experience. Everything fell into place beautifully and within a week of the call I was headed back to a place I fell in love with last November. I heard someone say tonight, “I can guarantee you that there is a zero percent chance that God does not reside in that place…” After being there for a week I can testify that God does indeed reside in that place. Acclimating back to reality in America is hard because I question whether God resides in a lot of the places to which I accustom my daily living. Not that they are bad places in and of themselves, I just had a feeling in Haiti that I don’t experience here. Almost like a “God shaped hole” in your heart that is only filled by going there. The best part of missions and especially this trip is that not only does it transform those we go to serve but it transforms us. You finally begin to experience life because you die to yourself which goes along with many of the things Jesus taught us… you are first when you become last, you are great when you become the least, and you truly live when you die. A beautiful quote from Jen Hatmaker who wrote a study I just finished tonight said it better than I could ever explain:

“Missional living cures apathy better than any sermon, promotes healing quicker than any counseling, deepens discipleship more than Bible studies and creates converts more effectively than any other event.”

It transforms both the slave and its master… and it indeed transformed me yet again…

Supernatural Contentment

Over the past 4-5 weeks I have been asked by several people “you seem really, really happy… what gives?” in one way or another. Seems like a loaded question. My first thought is I am very happy, how’d they know? What gave it away? My second thought is did I not seem happy before? and my third thought is I am happy but how can I explain to them in so few words why? It’s been a weird process with no real one moment or one happening that I can pinpoint but this weekend like a switch a light bulb was turned on in my head. I wasn’t happy because of a new boyfriend, a new condo, or even the new fuel injectors in my car (which are very helpful to have in full working order FYI). I am happy because for the first time in my life I GET it. And by “it” I mean what God has been trying to tell me all along. “It’s not about you Stephanie.” Wait a second God, then “what is it about?” We as Americans are programmed to look out for number one, to climb the corporate ladder straight to the top, to make more money, have more cars, have more things…more, more, more… right?

Let me introduce you to Jesus, a radical of his time, not cool and by no means popular…Hated enough to be crucified on a cross. So why and how has His message made it to the present? His message was clear and changed humanity. But it has somehow been skewed by the present day American dream . What people seem to forget about Jesus was his intimacy with some of the most corrupt people of the time. He associated with tax collectors who were the known liars and deceivers of the nation and whom many in his day distrusted. He associated with the socially rejected, prostitutes, sinners, lepers and the blind. He directly involved himself in the world’s brokenness. He never sat comfortably on a cushioned pew waiting for a gracious introduction to thousands of people before he gave the Sermon on the Mount. He was never welcomed in the King’s house or invited to eat with the royal family. I would imagine in today’s world He’d be the same way. We wouldn’t find Him at White house luncheons or Sunday dinner church potlucks. We’d find Him outside of the church walls on the streets with the poor, prostitutes and sick of our day. Why is this important? It reminds us. It’s not about us.

Jen Hatmaker wrote a study called Interrupted where she explains that Americans prefer the top. We are programmed to continue to want and to get the next best thing. She calls this the ascent and describes it as such. “The pursuit of the ascent is crippling and has stunted my faith more than any other evil I’ve battled. It saddles us with so much to defend, and ironically, it doesn’t deliver because the more we accumulate, the more fearful we become that we’re just one slip from losing it all.” She explains that in order to really be happy we have to experience the descent back down to where Jesus was. “The path of descent,” she explains, “is also the path to liberation. You are no longer compelled to be right and are thus relieved from the burden of maintaining some reputation. You are released from the idols of greed, control, and status. The pressure to protect your house of cards is alleviated when you take the lowest place.” It was upon reading this that I got “it”. My happiness was not based on the things of this world. They were based on the fact that God was gradually pushing me back down the ladder. I was on the path of descent. Ironic I know how could you be happy going back down the ladder towards those who are suffering? Jesus was also the one who said , “the first will be last and the last will be first.” But again it all comes back to His original message and what He was really about. He was never about Himself. He was about others.

“…the gospel is the revelation of who God is, who we are and how we can be reconciled in Him. Yet in the American dream, where self reigns as king, we have a dangerous tendency to misunderstand, minimize, and even manipulate the gospel in order to accommodate our assumptions and desires. As a result we desperately need to explore how much of our understanding of the gospel is American and how much is biblical. And in the process we need to examine whether we have misconstrued a proper response to the gospel and maybe even missed the primary reward of the gospel, which is God himself.” --- taken from “Radical”

It was when God finally opened my eyes to the world as He saw it that I realized what it was about, and it wasn’t me anymore.

All of this begs the question so what is the “path of the descent” and what does it mean for my life? I will answer that with what I think the path of the ascent is which is bringing very little to the table for God and forgetting to thank Him for our blessings then getting to the top only to look down and not be happy. Thus, the path of descent must mean bringing everything to Him, thanking Him for all of our blessings and instead of looking up at those above us, we look up to Him and around to those at the bottom and smile because we are happy, content…. supernaturally content with our lives. When you do something for other people and give your money not to material things but to our God and his mission, you will experience a peace, a contentment that exceeds all understanding.

Life Interrupted

"In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love." -- Mother Teresa


Today marks a year since the earthquake in Haiti. I thought of my little friends Daniel and Rinaldo that I met in November with a smile on my face all day. What a blessing they were to me. I went to Haiti thinking I was going to change their lives, and they ended up changing mine. Daniel was my ever present shadow for a week, crawling up and down my back and finding me wherever I was at all times. I helped Rinaldo with his ear, and the look on his face after he got his hearing back was one I will never forget. If they would have fit in my suitcase, they would be living here with me at this moment, no questions asked.

I have always been comfortable in my way of life… living the so called “American Dream”. Somehow we have all confused the message of Jesus to fit into the constraints of what we think we deserve as Christians. In November God interrupted my life in a major way by sending me on a journey to finding adventure, love and meaning that I would have never found within the borders of America itself. In Jesus’ day those who lived in poverty were seen as having disfavor with God. However, Jesus radically changed that definition with the Sermon on the Mount when he said “Blessed are the poor, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.” I am eternally convinced without eventually reaching out to those who are poor and hungry we cannot ever essentially please God. Living in the richest country in the world it is easy to be unaware of what’s going on in the world around us. If you make $35,000 a year annually you are in the top four percent of the global population in terms of wealth, $50,000 a year and you are in the top one percent of the global population! This means we have a huge responsibility as well. I cannot imagine standing in front of my creator with my bank statement and Him saying did you know that when you were alive on earth someone died of hunger every 16 seconds?

I will never forget my time in Haiti and I look forward to my trip again this year. These people do not thirst for God as most Americans do because they literally rely on God for every single thing in their lives and praise Him for it with a faith I’ve never experienced in my American life. My prayer is that in a nation who does not rely on God for their every single need that He will interrupt our lives in a way so that we are always left thirsty for Him and willing to step outside of our comfort zones and go out into the world that lies desperately in need of our help.

What Really Matters.

“Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad. But it’s what’s in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.” -- Sandra Bullock

What’s interesting about life is that people come into your life and people go. It’s always for a reason whether it’s a lifetime or just a season. People are there to lift you up in times when you need them, and they leave you when its time to move on to something better. Relationships can be an emotional roller coaster. What’s neat about God and life is that it’s always for the best, whether it’s to become your best or for you to make a mark on another person’s life instead. It’s scary to find myself at the beginning again but beautiful to know I have the middle to look forward to…

The Beauty of LETTING GO

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” --
Isaiah 43:18

When I was little I collected stuffed teddy bears. They were like my little family. I taught them school and had tea parties with them. As the bears piled up we had to get nets that hung above my bed and in the corners of my room. Then mom came to me one day to “get rid” of all these bears to make room for things like my bed. =) I was devastated. I loved them all how I could I get rid of them. Besides they needed me, I was their friend. Who else was going to yell at them for talking during class…? I wasn’t happy about it but I picked out a few to give away and to be honest after a few weeks forgot about the ones I had lost. This may be a weird analogy but as I’ve grown up those bears have been replaced by real people and real situations. Sometimes in life we face situations or relationships that go awry and become an overwhelming part of our focus in life just as those bears were overwhelming to my room.

The beauty of a new year is that it’s easy to start fresh and anew. 2010 was an amazing year., possibly the best yet for me. I made lots of new friends, went on several adventures throughout the country and in Haiti, finally had my dream job, bought a new car with my own money and formed several new incredible relationships. Like most people not everything goes as planned, I stumbled a few times along the way and made several mistakes. Whether it’s in friendships or relationships with family or a significant other, we all have had bad experiences or situations that begin to consume our life.

When you hold on to things that hold you back you are stranded from pressing on towards your goal, towards making the best of yourself. What letting go of things has taught me is that there is an incredible amount of freedom you obtain in doing so. You are now in control of your life and not a slave to that situation anymore. You are in a sense the best version of yourself. God cannot to do what He wants to in your life until you let it go. Letting go allows you to fear less and LOVE more. Love others more, Love yourself more, Love God more. Just imagine the possibilities!

Being IN LOVE. (Inspired by Francis Chan)

“The critical question for our generation and for every generation is this:  If you could have heaven with no sickness and with all the friends you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven if Christ was not there?”  -- John Piper

Most people think being a Christian is maintaining a list of so called rules and regulations to live by...things you must do to get to heaven.  How empty and boring this would make our lives huh? I used to think in my youth of God as so sovereign that He was out of reach to the normal human being.  I started at a Christian school in the 6^th grade studying Kings and Chronicles in the bible. Memorizing the geneology of Jesus was a daily occurrence.  You can imagine Bible was not a class I looked forward to.  It was actually the hardest class we had.

Maturity brings us a lot of things but in my recent walk with God I have learned that its not important to God that we can name the kings directly before and after David or how old Methusaleh was (969 years just for giggles).  What was really important was my relationship with him. All these lessons and stories were a platform to show me the relationships He had with his people. I just didn't realize it at the time.

Which brings me back to the original question, could you be satisfied in Heaven with Christ not there?  Heaven epitomizes the ultimate place right?  A place so great we cannot even begin to imagine it with our earthly minds.  Have you ever been somewhere like the greatest beach in Hawaii or the most elegant restaurant with friends but was not really happy because maybe your best friend wasn’t there?  This is what I imagine John Piper was getting at.  You know the old saying, "It’s not where you are but who you are with that matters."  Well, that can go both ways whether it’s a happy place or a sad place.  I was recently in Haiti surrounded by war, hunger, sin and heartbreak.  My mom asked me, "weren’t you scared?"  "Nope, not at all."  "How could you not be scared with people burning tires around you and hitting your bus?"  "I don’t know mom I felt safe."  (...insert mom looking perturbed for a second.)  "Mom, I had my best friend there."  Rolling her eyes, "Stephanie what was she going to do to protect you?" (hinting at a dear friend of mine)  "Mom, Jesus is a He and that’s just what He does."  I’d never be satisfied in Heaven without Christ nor in Hell (or a so called earthly Hell) without Him either.

God loves us more than our worried hearts can fathom.  He loves us so much He saw we were doomed by sin and sent his son to die on the cross to save us.  Has anyone else you’ve ever known died for you?  Or sent their only son for YOU?  Hard to understand this kind of love right?  So how can we repay him?  It’s not by serving Him like slaves out of obligation whether its by fear of his wrath or ignorance of the real truth.  What He really desires is a relationship with us.  For us to be His best friend.... to ask when we need, to call when we’re worried, to vent when we are angry, to question when we don’t understand...

Galations 5:13

“So you were called to freedom, brothers.  Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”

This verse releases us from a list of so called "dos and don’ts" and frees us to simply be more Christ-like.  Francis Chan summed it up best when he said, “if we train ourselves to run toward our REFUGE , toward LOVE – we are free, just as we were called to be.” God loved us so that we could love others.  Once we realize that happiness is not found in the sinful nature of the world or the "flesh" as he calls it, it pushes us to desire a more genuine relationship with Him that is summed up in one word: LOVE.  So back to John Piper’s question,  if you truly love God and see that He wants what’s best for you and wants you to desire Him, would you care if you had all the luxuries of this world but didn’t have your best friend there to share it with?